The White House is shut down after Black Squirrel chews fiber optic cable; President Barack Obama panics

CNN LIVE: Special Report
Early this morning the White House in Washington D.C. was on high alert after a fiber optic cable breech connecting to the Pentagon was detected. After 2 hours of panic at the White House, the special agent Harvey Levin found a chewed fiber optic cable. Video surveillance showed 2 black squirrels enter the Oval Office from an open window.

President Barack Obama was quick to act on the advice of Harvey Levin and had Air Force One bring former president & peanut farmer Jimmy Carter to the White House in the early hours of the morning. Former president Carter was quick to disperse peanuts over the White House lawn before sunrise. When daylight broke, the squirrels that normally roam the White House grounds vacated, quickly gathered the peanuts and climbed the trees on the lawn of the White House.

Harvey Levin, a video specialist, realized what happened after watching the Oval Office surveillance videos and then instructed President Barack Obama to not leave the windows open after having a cigarette before going to bed.

Guards who did not want to be identified told stories of how past presidents have always fed the squirrels that roam the White House grounds. Barack Obama has allegedly ignored the Black Squirrels that roam the grounds at the White House, and the squirrels were upset.

President Carter suggested that the President should set up a “Peanut Stimulus Program” so the fiber optic cables connecting the White House to the Pentagon would not be chewed again. Carter went on to say “If we could afford to put a man on the moon, why can’t we find the money for some peanuts for the squirrels.” An emergency vote by Congress on the “Peanut Stimulus Program” will be scheduled for 1:oo pm, April 1, 2010.

All members of Congress are asked to attend. Members who can not make this meeting are asked to personally contact the Oval Office and let Barack Obama know if they support this “Peanut Stimulus Program”.