The following story is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. This story is brought to us by the crime unit at Victoria-Park.com:
On Thursday, July 25, 2002, two alleged squirrel gang members were observed in Victoria Park working their latest con game on an unsuspecting mark. This very identifiable squirrel gang has been suspected of working Victoria Park for some time, but until now victims of their felonious activities have been reluctant to come forward. Finally one victim, a very civic-minded young woman, has decided to remain silent no longer. Known only as “Jane Doe,” this unsuspecting park patron has come forward to serve as a warning for others, but she prefers to remain anonymous for fear of retribution from other gang members. The following is an excerpt from the report she filed with the squirrel crime unit:
“I was alone and enjoying my lunch sitting on a park bench directly under the shade of a large tree. All at once, a black squirrel with beady little black eyes ran up the tree trunk to my right and hung there staring at me. He had a beautiful bushy tail and his charming manner kept me distracted for some time, or I would have noticed the second squirrel much sooner.
At last, though, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted movement on the bench beside me. There I spied a grey bushy tail sticking out of my knapsack, and I could see movement inside the pack as this furry little criminal rummaged for goodies. I realized too late that these two squirrels were in cahoots and must have planned the whole thing from the beginning.
Until this happened to me, I had only heard vague rumours about squirrel gangs operating in other parks in large American cities. I discovered the hard way that these gangs exist here in Victoria Park too.”
Thanks to the courage of Jane Doe, we now have a description of the perpetrators and a very detailed incident report. The first squirrel is described as black with dark beady eyes, a bushy tail and a charming demeanour. He has been known to answer to the names “Rocky” or “Blackie” and is often seen in the company of a grey squirrel called Digger, a.k.a. “The Mole.” He has a bushy tail as well and is known to work very fast.
If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of the two suspects in question or if you have your own “incident” to report, please contact the squirrel crime unit at once. Take a lesson from Jane Doe’s story and don’t allow yourself to become their next victim.
UPDATE: As of today, December 7, 2008 no suspects have been apprehended in this case. Don’t let their cute and cuddly appearance fool you. Use the parks at your own risk.
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